An Inconvenient Arrangement
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: When their near and dear ones get together, Yumichika and Keigo are least amused. Unfortunately, they don't know who to complain to. Mizuho/Ikkaku, implied Ichigo/Rukia.


**An Inconvenient Arrangement**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. **

**A/N: Apparently there's more Ikkaku/Mizuho in the anime than there is in the manga. T.T WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED SOONER.**

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

Keigo moaned loudly into Ichigo's shoulder.

(Gay sex fans, stop right there! Perverted readers, please back off.)

"Ichigooo—hurk."

The last bit came out that way on account of Ichigo shoving a palm into Keigo's face to push him at Yumichika, who held him there.

"What're you whining about?" Ichigo's face was uncaring. "Keigo."

"My nee-chan is in love!" the incompetent ladies' man threw himself at his friend again, who slapped him away.

"Che, so be happy for her, idiot, be happy!"

"How can I be happy when the man she's in love with is so inappropriate!"

Disgruntled Yumichika said, "I don't like to agree with young man who behaves so unattractively, but Asano-kun is correct. Mizuho-san and my Ikkaku are an ugly match."

"Mizuho-nee and Ikkaku?" Ichigo seemed surprised. "Guess she has some unusual taste, huh?"

Keigo wailed, "There's unusual and there's weird! This definitely falls in the latter category!"

Yumichika indicated his agreement as Rukia wandered over, attracted by the ruckus. "An affair between human and shinigami may seem beautiful, but it will protract into a messy issue."

"How?" asked Rukia.

Keigo gripped her arm and burbled, "Isn't it obvious! He's so old!"

"He doesn't look it," Ichigo pointed out, "And if they're in love, they're obviously not letting it get in their way."

Yumichika shook his head despairingly (and also, _**prettily**_). "He's dead, and his duty lies within Soul Society while she has a full life ahead of her. How could it possibly work?"

"With some hard work," Rukia solved it, "And patience. The passage to Soul Society has been stabilized now—she could visit him during long holidays. If Inoue could spend one month training in Seireitei with me, then this is surely possible."

"Yeah," Ichigo concurred, "He could also get himself assigned to her region, couldn't he? For soul burial duty. Spend his breaks with her."

"And you think that's fine?" Yumichika said hotly, "For all humans and shinigami to start falling in love left and right, the barriers between worlds being broken down—that's what happened with the Quincy!"

"The very vast majority of humans can't see shinigami; they don't know of our existence," Rukia shot back, "So when someone with spiritual power high enough to sense a shinigami falls for one, then that's justified. At our core we're all humans, remember? Dead or alive."

"Mizuho-nee," Keigo objected, "Doesn't have the spiritual capacity to sense shinigami. She only sees Madarame-san when he's in his gigai. "

Ichigo disagreed. "Not anymore. Her power grew. She glimpsed him a few times—and gigai or not, he's fair game. Karakura town is special in its population of soul sensors. This had to happen sometime, it's only natural with so many of us able to see shinigami."

Their opposition fell silent for a bit to chew on that. The classroom was quiet—they'd come in on a Sunday to cheer Uryuu and Orihime who were participating in a sewing competition. The two club members were across the hall, prepping (don't ask how—weird needle rituals that drove Ichigo mad in their needless complexity) while the gang was waiting for Tatsuki, Mizuro and Chad to show up.

Keigo burst out, "It'll be a long-distance relationship! How long can they make it last? How can she stay in an open-ended relationship all her life without marrying!"

"I don't see a problem with it," Ichigo stolidly countered, "If they're so desperately in love then this kind of long-distance commitment is more complicated and sincere than marriage. The open-ended thing is the best part—if it's too hard they can simply walk away from each other with minimum hassle."

"Alternatively," Rukia's voice was quiet, "If it's too hard for him to watch her grow old, they could split up now to lead separate lives until her death. If at that time she still loves him, it would be fairly simple to arrange a reunion in the afterlife."

"How morbidly romantic," Yumichika said wonderingly, "Quite a gorgeously tragic concept."

Keigo keened like a dying dog, and Ichigo decked him with a foot to the midriff.

"Idiot! If you can't debate this rationally then don't debate at all!"

"Hey! Hey! You're so violent, how is that being rational! And Ayasegawa-san, how can you agree with them! Remember what we talked about?"

"Oh, yes," Yumichika said guiltily, "Rukia-chan, if my Ikkaku has a girlfriend on Earth he is so in love with, how will he be good company in Seireitei when he's constantly thinking of her?"

"Take that!" Keigo yelled, and Rukia rolled her eyes.

"For the first few months, maybe even the first few years, it _**will **_be like that. That's what happens in every relationship until the novelty wears off. If you're truly friends you'll suffer him when he's lovelorn and forgive him when he regains his senses."

"You could also just beat the tar out of him," Ichigo suggested, "Speed up the process."

"What an attractive proposition," Yumichika said, and Keigo wailed some more.

"What's with you two, anyway! Why do you have all the answers?"

Ichigo and Rukia looked surprised. The former answered for both of them. "It's not like we haven't given it a lot of thought."

Rukia crossed her arms. "What's with 'we'? I distinctly remember doing all the thinking."

"Whaaaat? You bitch, who was the one that solved the toughest problems!"

"Who're you calling a bitch, you substandard sham of a substitute shinigami!"

"Oh yeah? If I'm so substandard, how come I kicked your nii-san's ass so freakin' thoroughly?"

Rukia poked him in the chest, a vein of terror twitching in her temple. "You didn't defeat him, strawberry-jerk, he left the fight to come save me!"

Keigo blinked at them and turned to Yumichika.

"Ayasegawa-san, do you want to find Chad? He might be more sympathetic to our cause than these two."

Yumichika stretched his arms and shook his head. "But you see, for this kind of thing…their thinking may be quite correct."

"Ehhhh, Ayasegawa-san!"

"Hello, everyone!" Tatsuki opened the door and meandered in, "Sorry we're late! …Why is Kuchiki pulling Ichigo's hair?"

"Young love works in strange ways," Mizuro said knowingly, and Chad grunted.

"Inoue and Ishida say it's time for the competition to start."

Rukia let go of Ichigo at once to clap her hands together. "Oh, nice! Come on, Ichigo, let's cheer for those two!"

The sixteen year old rumpled his hair to his satisfaction as he told her, "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. Don't order me around, Rukia."

The petite brunette waved her fingers at them before grabbing Tatsuki's arm and moving out. Chad and Ichigo followed with Mizuro, leaving Keigo and Yumichika to contemplate things.

"Ayasegawa-san, are you serious? You think my sister and Madarame-san are a good match?"

"Asano-kun, even if they're not, we can't separate them from their happiness." Yumichika sighed. "For today we might have to live with this ugly truth."

Before heading out the door that Keigo held open for him, however, the feather-adorned man tipped his cohort a wink. "Tomorrow is a new day, though, and we might be able to split them up!"

Chad walked back in the room and seized each of them by the ear as he towed them out, saying:

"Ichigo told me you'd be planning something strange. I might've expected this from Keigo but you, Yumichika-san? Why can't you leave those two lovebirds alone?"

It was the 'leave' in 'lovebirds' that prickled their spines, but Yumi and Keigo could do nothing about it. It was a very important day for their friends, you see, and they were required to show their support.

000

Ikkaku and Mizuho sat in silence for a while.

"You really like the bald?"

She grinned ferociously at him. "Baby, I think you look like Vin Diesel."

"…Who?"

"Never mind." She kissed his scalp. "Bald is beautiful."

He smiled. "I'm bald on my lips too."

"Yes," she agreed, "You are."

So there was a kiss for his lips, too.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**I love this pairing so much~**


End file.
